Beating the Level

My son has an Xbox360, it is a remarkable machine that permits us to play a variety of games. As You winnow through the various games you may "beat the level" or acheive a chekc-point, often times this takes a fair amount of perseverence as you get rubbed out again and again. I had switched over to Bear-back, meaning no heel-plate so had gone back to try some of my earlier sends sans eperon one route Quasimodo had gone fairly quickly but another Svengali, both in the Belfry at Vail had resisted my efforts, I had made it to the ice on several frustrating occasions only to get spit off, dang!

Some cold weather blew in last week, Vail seemed feasible again, we were surprised to see just how well the place was holding up. I had gone with Cormac and Adam the place being quite a scene with climbers flying off ice routes making a a racket in general, we retreated to the Belfry. There I noticed immediately a slender dagger had formed on Svengali, although a bit sun-rotted and poorly adhered it occurred to me that if I could make the ice maybe the route would go. Adam led up the pencil sank a couple screws up there for me, I put the draws up and the rope in the draws, then it was show-time.

I ripped through the dry-tooling so fast I hardly noticed, up and out walk feet on inner edge, then a decent move left to right over left Yaniro (figure 4), scrum the foot against the ceiling, grab the left tool up high rock, rock, then WHAMMO out to the lip to an occult divit.

Which I promptly missed. But the pick held long enough for me to crane out and look to see where the hold in fact was, 3 cm to the right so I jumped the tool into the hole, made it. Then left over right Yaniro kick the left front point into the slender dagger while in the Yaniro thus stabilized reach back for the other tool, pirate this tool with grip over my right shoulder, unload the Yaniro and gently kick into the dagger. Now hold breath swing at ice tool sticks, just.

No need to rush now, I won't have the steam for another try so I finesse my way up the hollow icicles pick my shots, take my time I clip one of the screws Adam placed but the route sucks me off up left up a fragile curtain so I twist one in, clip, life begins anew.

So that's that, I beat the level, all those futile attempts to try and climb a whole new way. Two years ago I ran into Jeff Lowe at the Ouray party, he could just stay vertical if he leaned against the counter. "I missed the leashless revolution" he told me staring off into the near distance, his MS having visibly ravaged him. I had first met him in 1995, the year everyone was repeating Octopussy, he was with then wife Terri Eble, still vital, powerful, at the height of his powers. he had watched me do Octopussy wanted to know what sequence I was using, I told him so he went promptly up there and sent the thing handily.

Well I'm not about to miss any revolutions, leashless, spurless or otherwise, if it involves ice tools I am all over it. The Bear-back thing is an immense amount of work until suddenly it becomes the norm then the norm becomes easy, you have beat the level.

Some time after my worse day climbing this winter (one of them) I took this photo, I had just patched up my Fusion tools for another go, was glueing the sole edges of my Dragon Boots back on, a sunny day on my deck I took this photo of my gear.

The gear is me really, battered, patched back up, ready for more.

I need sometimes to remember that mixed is alpinism you need to wait for that alignment of factors, I trained for weeks after my failures, the ice grew there, spring came. I plan to go back but maybe not to that climb this spring, ice cannot be squandered.

Neptune Show March 12

I will be giving my first slide presentation in 10 years at Neptune Mountaineering at 8PM Thursday March 12, this is in Boulder, Colorado. Paying attendees will receive a raffle ticket for the end-of-evening give-away for a three-pack of Ice-Holdz, these are sweet modular holds for indoor ice-climbing and dry-tooling, I would certainly relish having these Holdz on my wall so whomever wins this is going to be one lucky dog!

The show is entitled My Life as an Ice-Climber: From the Bronze Age to the Ice World Cup, I will attempt to discuss in one-hour my personal experience with the evolution of ice-climbing from my early efforts in the 1970s using primitive wood-handled tools on up through my current interests in competition winter climbing and Bear-Back mixed, obviously this is an enormous amount of ground (and ice) to cover so this one promises to be an insightful ride.

Topics to be covered include 1) How climate change is affecting the winter-climbing game; 2) The role of competition climbing in defining the ethical parameters of winter climbing; 3) The myth of "real" climbing (gravity will always whup-yo-ass); 4) The Mixed Euro-scene and why THEY are so good; 5) Indoor Mixed and the future of the winter game.

Attendees are encouraged to stay after the presentation and air their personal views on spurs, leashes, bolts, competitions, rock n' roll accompanied mixed climbing performances and whatever else burns yer butt. Profanity will not be tolerated but otherwise have-at!

You can bring beer so come early and socialize. ALLEZ!!!

Photos: Left; RCC competing in the 2009 Ouray Ice Festival, the shooter is Rob Fullerton. Right; Rob Cotter on Les Droites North Face, Mont Blanc Massif, 1988. The shooter (was) the late Mark Bebie.

Neptune Show: aftermath...

I had exactly 19 people come to my show, that is 19 paying attendees. "They all came to see you!" Susanne assured me, I am really not sure whether to be depressed or elated. I showed 100 slides, there was some hassle with the connector in that I had neglected to bring mine and the one there was incompatible, so off to the Mac store uptown to buy a $19 connector ( I later packaged this one back up and returned this for a refund, I'm sure come one will get excellent use from buying this later.)

The show went well, I was ruthless in selecting slides and staying on message, next time I would like to have more video footage, no small feat given it has been hard to find partners this winter let alone anyone to film. The show is in the box though and may reappear next autumn in some incarnation.

My own impression was that 1) Ice/mixed climbing is at a nadir here in the US, popular interest has diminished greatly in winter climbing, the major climbing publications rarely cover this subject (except to pronounce this type of climbing dead, of course.) 2) There are too many people/athletes/personalities/whatevers touring and giving shows these days, people have slide-show brain-freeze plus the well-reported on climbers (i.e., the ones in the Patagonia catalogs garner the Lion's-share of notoriety. 3) As some one once told me, Americans go to McDonalds because they don't like surprises, they want their Big Mac the exact same way every time, so doing a very different type of show (as opposed to travelogue, slides/music, etc.) isn't going to go over big.

So what's next? I really can't decide if I had a good season or an awful one, I covered very little new ground in terms of routes or areas visited, no truly hard sends, on the other hand I felt like I climbed well, in particular getting a handle on bare-back technique which will come in handy next winter for competitions, if I do any that is. With that said I had some nice days on the hill, did not sustain any injuries, pulled off a few good sends and did not embarrass myself at Ouray, could I have climbed better?

Yes, absolutely, one can always improve of this I am certain...

What I Have Been Up To

First of all thank any and all of you who have been fans, followed my writing, befriended me, given me beer, listened to my ale-soaked ramblings, mercie beaucoup...

What I have been up to is working, trying not to get divorced, climbing, training, skiing and raising my kids, although not necessarily in that order. The work has been sporadic, the climbing dismal, the skiing better, raising my kids a challenge (but rewarding), the divorce business, well, horrific...

Enough grousing, I will be at Neptune Mountaineering in Boulder March 12, Thursday evening, courtesy of Ice-Holdz. By way of acknowledgment Terri and Jay have been very supportive, their Ice-Holdz product is not only innovative but awesome for indoor mixed training, many a dark evening or bleak winter day I have found solace in cranking around the woody nailing succulent slabs of plastic, some good tunes, a glass of ale and off you go, stretching, situps, pushups, love-grass...

Late winter here, there is snow to ski on, ice to climb, I have been active at Vail but rather stalled on a project, doing two short but spicy mixed roofs back-to-back bear-back. I have done one of the problems Quasimodo bear-backseveral weeks back but my attempts to climb it several days ago ended in stalemate at the dagger, it was my tenth lap and was too wasted to get a good stick, shit!

The other route has seen varying degrees of success, I have made the ice twice. Myabe that is completion in itself, to climb as well as you can, as hard as you can, I'm not sure anymore. People try to justify their leisure by placing artificial parameters around what they view as accomplishments, we got to here so that means what we have done on our holiday is relevant, nay, important. To each his or her own I say.

I had started the day well, one bloke was struggling on his ice route, taking quite a while, I was fresh up the hill so I walked over, went up Esmerelda solo even though it is only an M5 or M6 right now, but you would be pretty busted up if you fell off this so there is merit in having the presence of mind to not fall off, to climb well in the process too.

Then Quasimodo refused entrance as a further warm-up route spat me off twice. I switched to the current project but could not make the dynamic throw, when I finally did make the stick I had fought back on after a slip, I made the ice but blew a heel-hook badly instead of dropping another Yaniro the final moments were ugly to say the least. Frustration built, I am a human being, a mere man, I let my self-control go, lost focus.

Each attempt started with the best intentions then fizzled out, a slip here, there, finally I just lost steam, no more gas in the tank so to speak. From 9 to 4 I banged away, valiantly, fruitlessly, I had resolved tp die in battle, so I did. I went through a curtain head-first putting my Stunt helmet to the test, I bashed my shin, threw my one tool at a second lodged in the roof, I cut my scalp on a tree branch on the way down.

Humility, bad...

People pronounce "ice is dead", "mixed is dead", they are the ones dead, from within. They gave up when the leash, or the spur or whatever went out of fashion now The Game offers no further incentive, they want to leave and take the marbles with them if they won't play nobody else will.

Good and bad days, at the crag as in all things, sometimes the "bad" day teaches you the most, a foundation upon which to build further accomplishments, if you are not failing perhaps you are not improving? So I had a "bad" day, got beat-down, if there is value in that then I will maybe cruise the project next try? Always there is another day, walk away with maybe a few cuts and bruises, come again leaner, fresh with the craving, no need to get angry, just get even.

And then some...

Bear-Back

Yes I know it's spelled Bare-back, I was just thinking about what a "bear" it is to climb roof routes without the spur! But what fun, too. I got thinking about bare-back climbing after the 2009 Ouray Ice Festival, I kept thinking afterwards "Shit! I could have won that thing!" if only I had trained-up bareback beforehand, more Monday-morning quarter-backing I suppose.

Yet it got me thinking about bear-back, the first day out I went without the spur but brought them in the pack, just-in-case. Day two I left the spurs behind in the car, by day three I had taken the heel-plates off so only the three bolts remained, I was hooked on a now more potent blend of The Junk, than ever. Suddenly routes I had sent many times with the spur now seemed utterly questionable, clipping became an act of pure gravity-defiance, I am happy to report that I have sent exactly two routes in twice as many outings.

Maybe though that is not the point, conceivably the climb-well movement needs for mixed to come in line. I say this because this winter when I watched friends climb with spurs, spurring tools, bat-hanging hands-free I thought, "that IS aid-climbing", to some extent anyway. Finally seeing it done in a fluid manner by the likes of stephanie Moreau, Jeff Mercier and Evgeny Krivosheitsev last winter made me take notice, this was the way forward.

After all leash-less just happened and their are plenty of hold-outs out there, I see them on every outing blasting away at some hapless flow.

The Cult of Incompetence

As of late I find it hilarious to be accused of engaging in "that there dry-tooling" to the detriment of "real climbing". Not too long ago a consortium of "alpinists" decried dry-tooling as being without risk, akin even to masturbation (one can only ponder furtively the homoerotic implications inherent for the author of this latter assertion). Tempers seem to have cooled somewhat (ah, the silver lining of Viagra and thinning hair), still very now and again some twerp echoes such sentiment, dogma always develops a following, does it not?

Ice climbing has always intrigued me, the idea of ephemeral ice lines that appeared mysteriously around valley bends is a seductive one, the thin, white hand and wrist beckoning with unheard pleasures. I have marched all over the bloody place seeking that streak of white coursing down a dark face, now is no different only that now the smears daggers and curtains that do not touch down are now fair game. Yes, there are usually bolts, anyone who believes bolts remove risk is either hallucinating or has never been mixed climbing.

Indeed, I have witnessed every manner of trauma self-inflicted, fatal and otherwise at the mixed crag, the imagination of participants in either injuring or offing themselves is truly sobering. One could in fact not only break bones but certainly cut fingers right off, put out an eye? No problem you are in the right place! Vail in fact has been the site of any number of spectacular accidents, the strenuous climbing, chossy limestone and half-assed bolting can make for some fairly hairy outings, famous names and nobodies alike have met disaster there. For that reason I treat the place with respect, after all is not gravity always having a grand day out?

Things will fall down, climbers go boom judgement operates under a thick haze of marijuana smoke, belayers doze. My favorite are the breed of "new" ice climbers, the manikan-perfect blokes who blast away with shiny tools dislodging a season's worth of chunks and shards in a matter of minutes so forever lost in a world of self-adjulation to ever yell ICE, what a gaggle of colossal whankers.

But I digress, ah yes real ice climbers, what exactly was it they were climbing anyway? Waterfalls? Oh, there's a worthy objective, climbing waterfalls makes curing the global malaria pandemic seem a trifle. Alpine faces? How about in the Alps? Nepal? Between which marriages did you perform this particular feat, one and two? After two you say? Sometime prior to wife #3, yes? Right-on, you da' man, my daughter's going to college next fall, how's your cat?

So, it's all drivel, Lionel Terray alone was man enough to label his remarkable conquests "useless" (Le Conquerants de l'inuitile, L. Terray 1961.*), everyone clings to their climbs, only they seem to have done anything interesting or relevent.

Then there is what I refer to as the "Cult of Incompetence". Open any climbing catalog or magazine these days and there they'll be, the confessionals regarding all manner of absolutely stupid climbing mishaps. Oh sure, accidents happen, but why purportedly "famous" climbing personalities now write reams on the topic of their boggling ineptitude is wholly beyond the pale. No crawl down the Ogre here, just a bunch of well-to-do over-achieving yuppies falling off trade routes or having epic retreats off stuff that if they had been born with the sense God gave buttered-toast they would have never ventured up onto.

Shackleton had to go to Antarctica, get stuck in the pack ice then sail a dingy half-way around the southern hemisphere to gain notoriety, now ever fool who gets his foot stuck in a gopher hole, chews his own leg off subsequently goes on Oprah to plug his million-dollar foundation devoted to preventing the criminally stupid from getting jammed in rodent rodent burrows. ("Give generously, so much is at stake!") Of course whole bestselling books are devoted to idiots out wandering on glaciers, falling in a crevasse then going to pieces immediately before axing their mate in a panicked attempt to save their own pathetic life, indeed some individuals whole careers seem based on precipitating such catastrophes so as to keep their publisher freshly provisioned with such claptrap.

Maybe I am old-school, that old Mountain Magazine understated way of recounting things, which in fact was equally disingenuous. No, I am certain it is the soccer-mom telling their kid that even though they scored 3 goals on their own team they played great so let's go buy you a new car. That kid now is 20 or 30 something, well-endowed financially owing to dad's having down-sized countless workers who now though nearly destitute can still appreciate the "lifestyle choices " of the rich, that kid is now a "climbing athlete", so when they blow a clip land on their head and chip a nail watch for the 600 word essay in the upcoming Patagonia catalog on how they overcame their adversity to finally go back up and send that darn M5.

Look, adventure should be just that, but if scoring goals on your own team is your forte maybe you should take up pottery. My own approach is pretty simple in that no climb no where no how is worth any trauma worse than a skinned knuckle. So despite the assertions of the Cialis sect, you break your leg up at the crag at 4Pm on a 10 degree F day and you will be very sorry at least until they come back for you or you die.

Keys to success? Use a stick clip/never take a grounder, don't climb with dopes, know when to call it quits, likely you will get another chance. I am never even remotely concerned about expressing my doubts over a route's condition, the hour, my own abilities, or my misgivings over my partner's conduct. Life is sweet, strawberry sweet, like a big-snow-day. When winter ends there is always sun, flowers, lithesome young women in diminishing attire, bouldering, it is all truly good.

So, what to get out of day on the hill? Well, climbing of course. What I send, the grade or reputation of a route concerns me less than my own sense of "how well did I climb?" First I always warm up, my rig's a little old but that don't mean she's slow, just the same I like to start on something well within my ability warm the block. This may involve several such routes or a few laps on the same route once the draws and screws are in. I eschew top-roping, leading and making clips is what's important. I once heard that a fighter must first throw 5000-10,000 jabs before he or she can reliably throw a jab in an actual fight so making clips, lots of clips, matters.

I may therefore date a particular route but assiduously avoid marriage, no one route is worth all your time. I've watched guys spend whole seasons lapping the same route, why? Mainly because people prefer to stay in their comfort zone, human nature I suppose. I have my favorites, but I try and push somewhat, if I am not scaring the shit out of myself or getting utterly pumped the day is perhaps not all it could have been.

So then there is either the "send" or the project option. Send being "this thing is going down", project meaning "this thing is going down but maybe not today". Projects can of course take days, weeks or years, conditions matter whenever ice is involved, some routes need the right ice build-up to become truly feasible. Which now brings up the issue of what constitutes being "in".

One route near my home, BladeRunner in Rocky Mountain Park comes to mind, put up in the mid-90s during a heavy ice year the route seemed never to re-form, I would gaze wistfully up at a lonely retreat 'biner squeaking in the wind on bolt #2 and wonder, when? Then one year I regarded the menacing streaked rock and fragile icicles lustfully, why not now? Over the last three seasons I have climbed this route a number of times with varying degrees of ice, this past autumn a sudden warm spell in November meant virtually no ice including the absence of a key dagger, a new route was born. Off-World, unfinished sequel Harrison Ford maybe should have made, total-dry except for a few giddy sticks at the top and some of those were turf.

So here's the planet getting warmer the Rocky Mountains where I live steadily drying up becoming desertified, don't even bring up the western Alps as I'm likely to cry, what solution is there but to dry-tool the classics?

How to Dry-Tool

HOW TO DRY-TOOL
I will not deal with the semantics of "real" as opposed to mixed climbing here, just listen up...

Officially it is now winter, I checked. This means mixed season, so if you have a mixed crag near your home or are tripping, you are lucky indeed, here is what you will need and how to do it.

KIT

1) Fruit Boots.

2) Leash-less tools

3)Helmet

4)Harness

5) Rope

6) Belay device

7) Quick-draws

8) Ice Screws

9) Belay Jacket

10) Clothing

11) Food and drink

12) Tool kit

13) Squid and paint-pole

Look, put your $ into your fruit boots and tools, I see so many blokes out wearing $1K worth of clothes while they could have spent that dough on what is actually going to get them up the climb. No need to stroll around looking like you just toppled out of a The North Face catalog (FUCK THEM, anyway, fascists!), no one is going to see you anyway. I go out in a $40 army-surplus sweater and a pair of camo' snowboarding trousers, just get on with it!

I climb in Kayland mixed boots, the Ice Dragon is King, even the old Ice Comps are still good. For tools I am a hard-core Fusion Fan, whatever dry-tools hardest, that's my concern. There is a Fusion 2 coming out, I am very anxious to take this tool for a spin. Otherwise I have a Cassin Cream-Ale harness which none of you has heard of, a Cassin Stunt helmet, a hodgepodge of quick-draws, I dry-tool in batting gloves.

Both my ropes are Sterling, a Nano and an Evolution, Sterling has been very supportive this winter, I'd be lying if I said these were not the best ropes I have ever used. I never use anything other than a 70 meter length and an 80 meter would be preferable, otherwise the risk of being lowered off the end of your rope is too great.

Without a doubt the Trango Squid is the most amazing bit of climbing equipment, NEVER climb up after a first clip, YOU WILL BREAL YOUR ANKLE!!! Always start with the rope clipped into the first draw, at least. A Grigri is the safest thing to use for winter although a guy or gal good with a plate is hard to beat (Ladies, or is it a hard-man is good to beat?)

I typically carry a spare set of picks, a wrench for my Fusion tools (a 14mm beauty I got in a tiny hardware store in Chamonix), Allen keys, wrenches for my bolt-on crampons, or just tighten all that shit at home and leave the heavy tools behind. My Belay jacket is a freebie from Climashield, two of the sketchiest people I have ever met, but the belay coats they provided were really nice indeed, I have a huge, ancient Wild Things Hollifil coat that is the best ever, when it is really cold this thing is the bee's knees. At the 2006 Festiglace event I wore this thing the whole weekend, without it I would have died, some of the competitors became frostbitten and I injured my feet due to frost.

I eat and drink as much as I can carry, hot tea, water in an insulated bottle, sandwiches, chocolate bars, anything that sustains, fuel for the furnace. Single Malt Scotch or Love-grass, whatever you prefer, motivation on short notice. I would never dry-tool without eye-wear, a mouth guard is probably indicated. I always have a first-aid kit, headlamp, lighter (for starting warming camp-fires), a cell-phone/MP3 player, white-tape, lip-balm for your face and lubricating recalcitrant fruit-boot zippers, sun screen.

The one thing I don't skimp on is dry socks and gloves, I prefer plenty of spares so my extremities stay warm, if there is any snow on the route wet gloves will ensue, without a fire you cannot warm/dry them although tucking them into your clothes will work sometimes. For socks I look for high-quality wool ski socks at end of winter sales, I dry-tool in leather-palmed batting gloves which I treat with Nikwax. Expensive gloves like the OR Alibi suck, don't waste your money, get some gold gloves and a decent bottle of single malt, enjoy life don't spend money on crap that is just going to let you down.

ALLEZ!!!
Go to the crag. Get there early unless the temperatures are extreme, otherwise I prefer always an early start, dry-tooling is time-consuming so allow plenty of time. Make sure everybody is on time, there's nothing worse than going to pick someone up and having to watch some hung-over asshole pack. Have a plan in mind for the crag that day, if you don't have a precise idea of conditions be fluid, better to climb all day on easier stuff than to stomp around looking at routes you either can't do or are not really formed. Don't posture, show-off or melt, just climb.

With a two-man team leader gets rigged, climbing togs, harness, helmet, fruit boots, draws, screw, put on dry shirt(s) when you arrive after approach layer on big coat and tuck tools inside coat to keep warm (otherwise they will suck heat from your hands). Put both boots on THEN lace them so your feet have a chance to warm the boots before you crank them down. Sit on a foam pad when doing this, I wrap my Fruit Boots up in this like burrito for carrying.

Meanwhile second man is feathering-out rope well out of the way of dirt, running water, or possible stone-fall. either put first clip up with stick or inserts rope into #1 draw with Squid depending on if route is equipped or if at Vail some bitch came and stole your draws as they are too much a coward to confront you. Second suits up with warm clothes, helmet on, way out of the fall-line, phone off.

Leader has coat on until last possible moment then, ties in, checks knot, checks belayer's plate/Grigri, rechecks knot, belayer takes up, "On-belay?", Belay on?" "Climbing!", "Climb!" None of this, Mo-Fo fashizzle-holmes-doo-daa sskritcha-skritcha coming from some lily-white guy from Indiana who couldn't possibly be more white trying to act like rappers even though they are afraid of black people anyway, just stick with the tried and true so people around you have a fucking clue as to what you mean.

Climb. I like to warn the belayer I am "Clipping" because after 30 seconds of belaying many people will have lapsed into a reverie regarding their finances/dick/ fucked-up parents/vagina/spouse/girlfriend/job/girlfriend's vagina/transcripts/boyfriend's dick/parent's finances and so on and it's good not to get shorted as like a wet dog-nose in your ass during coitus it tends to break my rhythm.

Try to focus on climbing "well", fluid movement always have in mind you are going from point A to B. With that said skip the histrionics, no one nearby is going to give a hoot in Hell you just fell off Lucky for the umpteenth time so don't shriek profanity hurl your tools off the climb and in general act like an enormous toddler. Personally I don't like surprises so when I feel my forearms are reaching critical mass I typically jump, my pride and compliment of tools intact.

Okay belayer, your job is to facilitate the send and catch the leader if/when they fall. PAY ATTENTION!!! Don't even have your phone on your person much less on, a person's life is now your responsibility, watch for the climber to move and for Christ's sake push up plenty of line when they are trying to clip. Leave a belly in the rope, the climber needs to have a somewhat slack line to move effectively, a taut line may cause a nasty swing into the wall rather than permitting the leader to drop and "bonk" activating the impact-absorbing properties of the rope hence making for a softer landing. Slack permits the leader to dyno or swing onto daggers without cramping their style, some slack is good but don't get carried away, belaying is all about making subtle adjustments in the amount of rope one pays out or takes in, so work at it.

No hanging on the rope, if you fail don't flail, lower off with dignity pull the rope for the next guy prepare for your turn belaying. Keep things moving along so everybody stays warm and motivated, 3-5 burns on a route is probably plenty unless some one is really making progress, but make sure all parties concerned are enjoying themselves, don't monopolize the day. Move along to another route to freshen things up, avoid bogging-down on too hard a line, losing momentum.

Eating and drinking is critical, here in Colorado the air is dry even though there is snow and ice so dehydration is never far off. Similarly dry-tooling is strenuous so calories must be consumed to stay warm and ready to climb. You will need to make yourself eat as the adrenalin will suppress appetite, do it.

Wear your helmet, yes there is always the odd retard-out who climbs bare-headed a la Alex Lowe, when they get scalped/concussed/head-stove-in don't wander over and ask me to help clean up, they had it coming, dope. Stay away from and out from under other parties, tools, rocks, chunks of ice, bodies can fly off at any moment so don't get beaned, give people their space. Similarly don't wander up to anyone who is belaying and start asking a bunch of dumb-ass questions, this person is busy. Leave your dog at home, no one likes your dog but you, nor do they like treading in its shit, having it eat their lunch, or having to step around it in crampons.

LES DROITES NORTH FACE

We went  up at the end of August 1988 to do Les Droites North Face. The is no "the" in front of Les Droites, if you desire a "the"up ahead of Les Droites you're not much of an ice climber, everybody knows what that thing is.

That summer I had met up with Mark Bebie rather informally in Chamonix , we had climbed in the Pacific Northwest before. Les Droites would be the second of the two climbs we did in the Mont Blanc Massif together earlier having done Les Grandes Jorasses by Eperon Croz, something of a disappointment owing to then perceivable climate change and a lack of ice. 

Les Droites would be different though as a storm had come through, no one had been up the thing since early summer so sight-unseen we set off up Les Grandes Montets, Dru Coulior looking as always imposing from the telepherique. Mark was too parsimonious to stay at the Argentiere Refuge so we bivouaced, Les Droites North Face looming squat, improbably steep, improbably streaked in what looked like white latex house-paint.

At midnight we set off, I effectively bumped into the gargantuan wall in the black night, a thin vein of ice down which spindrift poured no and again being the only feasible way.

"I better lead for a while", so up I went.

Weeks earlier I had happened upon the Charlet-Moser Pulsar ice tools at Snell's Sports, a tool clearly poised to change the face of ice-climbing in the coming years, I promptly shelled out my 1300 Francs and purchased a set. Following several hours of other-worldly climbing in the ice runnel the face opened up, dawn broke revealing a vast ice field with the sobering headwall spinningly overhead morning-lit in seductive red tones. 

How does that old saw go? "Red sky in morning climbers take warning?" The storm broke as we stuck the first belay in the steep granite crag, there was no obvious route, you could climb anywhere you wanted, if you pulled hard enough. Gradually the storm intensified, I resumed all lead duties briefly spotted the Integrale exit waterfall through a hole in the clouds and made for it. The Goulotte a la Breche had it all, steep ice, a grade V Scottish gulley bit (I half-expected to see frozen bits of missing Brits sticking out of the ice here) finally a swinging traverse over frosted fins of granite with 3000 feet of air, spectacular.

I awoke from our bivouac the Breche astounded I hadn't frozen to death.

The trouble started on the descent down the glacier back to Chamonix, Mark borrowed 35 Francs for the train after having earlier asserted he would rather walk down and save the money, "Cool", I said noting his feet would be shredded for weeks. He would not repay me though, I ran into him on the street in Chamonix some time later a scene ensued as he desisted coughing up my 35 Francs, but I had him cornered so he paid.

At the end of the summer while I was already back at work in Seattle Mark returned bought a keg of beer inviting most of the town's climbers to view his slides, during the course of the show he denounced me roundly, the first in a succession of post-climb traitors.

I was in my large-animal rotation at Washington State University during my senior year in Veterinary College, busy preparing a talk on solar abscess in the horse when Jim Ruch phoned from Seattle, Mark was missing presumed dead on Mount Snowdome in the Canadian Rockies, 10 March 1993 a year to the day after I had solo-climbed this route. 

I was later to speculate that having learned of my ascent Mark was eager to do this one, after all I had climbed this alone, how hard could it be? I was to do more solo-climbing in the future but with my daughter Simone then two, my fervor had cooled a tad, the risks inherent were becoming more palpable. After all, if Marc Twight got whacked, who would care? Me, I was a daddy, a girl needs her daddy, she still does.

Several years back I was struck on the head by a piece of falling ice, I was exiting the canyon after the speed-climbing competition at Ouray in 2006, a sizable piece came down beaned me on the yellow Grivel helmet I was wearing. "Bad karma", pronounced Betta Gobbi, she was cheesed that I hadn't used her new Monster tools in the difficulty final, the damn things pumped me out too fast.

Just some fucking bone-head who couldn't be bothered to yell "ICE!", that's all.