How to Dry-Tool

HOW TO DRY-TOOL
I will not deal with the semantics of "real" as opposed to mixed climbing here, just listen up...

Officially it is now winter, I checked. This means mixed season, so if you have a mixed crag near your home or are tripping, you are lucky indeed, here is what you will need and how to do it.

KIT

1) Fruit Boots.

2) Leash-less tools

3)Helmet

4)Harness

5) Rope

6) Belay device

7) Quick-draws

8) Ice Screws

9) Belay Jacket

10) Clothing

11) Food and drink

12) Tool kit

13) Squid and paint-pole

Look, put your $ into your fruit boots and tools, I see so many blokes out wearing $1K worth of clothes while they could have spent that dough on what is actually going to get them up the climb. No need to stroll around looking like you just toppled out of a The North Face catalog (FUCK THEM, anyway, fascists!), no one is going to see you anyway. I go out in a $40 army-surplus sweater and a pair of camo' snowboarding trousers, just get on with it!

I climb in Kayland mixed boots, the Ice Dragon is King, even the old Ice Comps are still good. For tools I am a hard-core Fusion Fan, whatever dry-tools hardest, that's my concern. There is a Fusion 2 coming out, I am very anxious to take this tool for a spin. Otherwise I have a Cassin Cream-Ale harness which none of you has heard of, a Cassin Stunt helmet, a hodgepodge of quick-draws, I dry-tool in batting gloves.

Both my ropes are Sterling, a Nano and an Evolution, Sterling has been very supportive this winter, I'd be lying if I said these were not the best ropes I have ever used. I never use anything other than a 70 meter length and an 80 meter would be preferable, otherwise the risk of being lowered off the end of your rope is too great.

Without a doubt the Trango Squid is the most amazing bit of climbing equipment, NEVER climb up after a first clip, YOU WILL BREAL YOUR ANKLE!!! Always start with the rope clipped into the first draw, at least. A Grigri is the safest thing to use for winter although a guy or gal good with a plate is hard to beat (Ladies, or is it a hard-man is good to beat?)

I typically carry a spare set of picks, a wrench for my Fusion tools (a 14mm beauty I got in a tiny hardware store in Chamonix), Allen keys, wrenches for my bolt-on crampons, or just tighten all that shit at home and leave the heavy tools behind. My Belay jacket is a freebie from Climashield, two of the sketchiest people I have ever met, but the belay coats they provided were really nice indeed, I have a huge, ancient Wild Things Hollifil coat that is the best ever, when it is really cold this thing is the bee's knees. At the 2006 Festiglace event I wore this thing the whole weekend, without it I would have died, some of the competitors became frostbitten and I injured my feet due to frost.

I eat and drink as much as I can carry, hot tea, water in an insulated bottle, sandwiches, chocolate bars, anything that sustains, fuel for the furnace. Single Malt Scotch or Love-grass, whatever you prefer, motivation on short notice. I would never dry-tool without eye-wear, a mouth guard is probably indicated. I always have a first-aid kit, headlamp, lighter (for starting warming camp-fires), a cell-phone/MP3 player, white-tape, lip-balm for your face and lubricating recalcitrant fruit-boot zippers, sun screen.

The one thing I don't skimp on is dry socks and gloves, I prefer plenty of spares so my extremities stay warm, if there is any snow on the route wet gloves will ensue, without a fire you cannot warm/dry them although tucking them into your clothes will work sometimes. For socks I look for high-quality wool ski socks at end of winter sales, I dry-tool in leather-palmed batting gloves which I treat with Nikwax. Expensive gloves like the OR Alibi suck, don't waste your money, get some gold gloves and a decent bottle of single malt, enjoy life don't spend money on crap that is just going to let you down.

ALLEZ!!!
Go to the crag. Get there early unless the temperatures are extreme, otherwise I prefer always an early start, dry-tooling is time-consuming so allow plenty of time. Make sure everybody is on time, there's nothing worse than going to pick someone up and having to watch some hung-over asshole pack. Have a plan in mind for the crag that day, if you don't have a precise idea of conditions be fluid, better to climb all day on easier stuff than to stomp around looking at routes you either can't do or are not really formed. Don't posture, show-off or melt, just climb.

With a two-man team leader gets rigged, climbing togs, harness, helmet, fruit boots, draws, screw, put on dry shirt(s) when you arrive after approach layer on big coat and tuck tools inside coat to keep warm (otherwise they will suck heat from your hands). Put both boots on THEN lace them so your feet have a chance to warm the boots before you crank them down. Sit on a foam pad when doing this, I wrap my Fruit Boots up in this like burrito for carrying.

Meanwhile second man is feathering-out rope well out of the way of dirt, running water, or possible stone-fall. either put first clip up with stick or inserts rope into #1 draw with Squid depending on if route is equipped or if at Vail some bitch came and stole your draws as they are too much a coward to confront you. Second suits up with warm clothes, helmet on, way out of the fall-line, phone off.

Leader has coat on until last possible moment then, ties in, checks knot, checks belayer's plate/Grigri, rechecks knot, belayer takes up, "On-belay?", Belay on?" "Climbing!", "Climb!" None of this, Mo-Fo fashizzle-holmes-doo-daa sskritcha-skritcha coming from some lily-white guy from Indiana who couldn't possibly be more white trying to act like rappers even though they are afraid of black people anyway, just stick with the tried and true so people around you have a fucking clue as to what you mean.

Climb. I like to warn the belayer I am "Clipping" because after 30 seconds of belaying many people will have lapsed into a reverie regarding their finances/dick/ fucked-up parents/vagina/spouse/girlfriend/job/girlfriend's vagina/transcripts/boyfriend's dick/parent's finances and so on and it's good not to get shorted as like a wet dog-nose in your ass during coitus it tends to break my rhythm.

Try to focus on climbing "well", fluid movement always have in mind you are going from point A to B. With that said skip the histrionics, no one nearby is going to give a hoot in Hell you just fell off Lucky for the umpteenth time so don't shriek profanity hurl your tools off the climb and in general act like an enormous toddler. Personally I don't like surprises so when I feel my forearms are reaching critical mass I typically jump, my pride and compliment of tools intact.

Okay belayer, your job is to facilitate the send and catch the leader if/when they fall. PAY ATTENTION!!! Don't even have your phone on your person much less on, a person's life is now your responsibility, watch for the climber to move and for Christ's sake push up plenty of line when they are trying to clip. Leave a belly in the rope, the climber needs to have a somewhat slack line to move effectively, a taut line may cause a nasty swing into the wall rather than permitting the leader to drop and "bonk" activating the impact-absorbing properties of the rope hence making for a softer landing. Slack permits the leader to dyno or swing onto daggers without cramping their style, some slack is good but don't get carried away, belaying is all about making subtle adjustments in the amount of rope one pays out or takes in, so work at it.

No hanging on the rope, if you fail don't flail, lower off with dignity pull the rope for the next guy prepare for your turn belaying. Keep things moving along so everybody stays warm and motivated, 3-5 burns on a route is probably plenty unless some one is really making progress, but make sure all parties concerned are enjoying themselves, don't monopolize the day. Move along to another route to freshen things up, avoid bogging-down on too hard a line, losing momentum.

Eating and drinking is critical, here in Colorado the air is dry even though there is snow and ice so dehydration is never far off. Similarly dry-tooling is strenuous so calories must be consumed to stay warm and ready to climb. You will need to make yourself eat as the adrenalin will suppress appetite, do it.

Wear your helmet, yes there is always the odd retard-out who climbs bare-headed a la Alex Lowe, when they get scalped/concussed/head-stove-in don't wander over and ask me to help clean up, they had it coming, dope. Stay away from and out from under other parties, tools, rocks, chunks of ice, bodies can fly off at any moment so don't get beaned, give people their space. Similarly don't wander up to anyone who is belaying and start asking a bunch of dumb-ass questions, this person is busy. Leave your dog at home, no one likes your dog but you, nor do they like treading in its shit, having it eat their lunch, or having to step around it in crampons.